It’s been way too long since I updated my blog. I don’t
really know why, but it just kind of fell off. I’m not going to get into everything
that’s gone on since August because I just don’t have the patience to write it
all out, but I will say that lately I’ve fallen back into some bad habits and I’m
really trying hard to get past them. It’s made me start thinking about the accountability
I had to myself when I was writing blog updates so I’m going to get back into
it.
I have been keeping up with my workouts. I just started
month 2 of Insanity Max:30. Great program, it’s kicking my ass. But the
problems I’ve been having all revolve around food. Keeping on track has always
been difficult for me. What happens is I do great for a while and then I have
one bad day and then that snowballs into a couple days and you get the idea. It’s
not always unhealthy food, but I just eat too much. And I keep it to myself,
because I get this crazy feeling of guilt afterwards. It’s tough to explain. I
know it’s all mental, but it’s so tough to get through. Basically, if I have a
small bag of chips with lunch I feel incredibly guilty about it, but then in my
head it becomes “well, I already had the chips so today’s shot, might as well
have (insert whatever I’m craving that day)” and then once that happens the
whole day goes to hell. From there it usually carries over into the next day
too. Ugh.
Then the other day I opened up the email newsletter I get
from MyFitnessPal and there was an article about binge eating. I read through
it and realized that was exactly what I was doing. Actually I realized I’ve
been doing it my entire life. And it sucks.
This is from the article and describes what exactly binge
eating is:
What’s the difference between binge eating and overeating?
Binge
eating is not the same as overindulging during a special event, the holidays or
on vacation. Binge eating is typically a recurring behavior, not an occasional
one and will typically have some, if not most of these characteristics:
1.
Consuming large amounts of food even though you are not
physically hungry
2.
Eating more rapidly than normal
3.
Eating until you are uncomfortably full
4.
Eating alone or in secret
5.
Feeling disconnected during a binging episode (also referred to
as a “zombie” feeling)
6.
Feeling disgusted, depressed, and/or guilty after overeating
The
key difference between binge eating and conscious overindulgence is the
distinctive feeling that the food is more powerful than you.
Yeah, all 6 of those – CHECK. Every so often, for as long as
I can remember, I’ve had really bad periods where I’ve gone through this and it
takes serious dedication to get out of it. That’s why I’ve decided to get back
to blogging. It’s a way to help keep me on track and vent when I need to. So
far the past few days have been good. I’ve been eating nothing but healthy food
and eating the right amounts of those foods and I’ve had some really good
workouts. It’s all connected but it begins and ends in the kitchen.
Honestly, it’s not easy to admit this – hence why it usually
happens alone. But I feel like if I don’t write it down and put it out there it’s
just going to continue to haunt me. So there ya have it. And now we move
forward….Back at it.
And here’s the article I mentioned in case you’re
interested:
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